Please use your real name or a blogger handle to your blog, we do not accept anonymous comments. I have seen how young Muslim men date western women and have pre-marital sex and go out to nightclubs but then when it comes to getting married they want a virgin, beautiful and professional woman with a good career. Though it is permissible for Muslim men to marry Christian or Jewish women it is not necessary. One thing that we are going to do is carry this conversation forward on MM. https://www.nikahhalal.com/views-about-love-marriage-in-islam/?ap_id=AFL_AS. I think this marriage crisis is the single biggest global problem in our ummah, and theres no campaigns, no public duas, no fundraising dinners or anything to get young practising people married. We need another layer of institutions to normalize expectations for our parents, says Farhan, a recent immigrant. They have offered to give me property for my security but will not marry because what will mama say and what will sister say. Forget the stupid, lavish and expensive wedding, and focus on MARRIAGE. For more info please http://www.muslimmarriageevents.info. Sadly there is a flip side to the financial status in the world we live in today its not just about the financial status of the man its become the financial status of the families. As stated above, many of the youth are finding it difficult to get married due to cultural practices, such as sayyids marrying only sayyids. i was once living on the street where by things were so hard for me, even to pay off my bills was very difficult for me i have to park off my apartment and start sleeping on the street of Vegas. They are mostly creating their OWN roadblocks. Of course, it is desirable for a couple to be financially stable before they marry, but is financial stability a biblical requirement? But they are perfectly willing to have affairs. When you are alone, your good intentions may be tested by shaytan. my guy didn't come back and i am still heartbroken over it. Seek Counseling and Financial Help. 5). Now, granted, some people are more jealous than others (the age-old yet despicable excuse for honor killings and husbands killing wives over suspicions), but is that really an excuse to just give into that, instead of considering it a challenge of the nafs? Mahmud, whats wrong with that? and the proof he gave was that the Prophet peace be upon him did not marry from amongst the Ansar women because the Ansar were not a people who practiced polygamy in their society, and the Prophet peace be upon him did not want to ask of them something that was not in their norm or easy for them to be part of.we need to be clear on this as some women live in constant fear that their husband is going to spring this on themwhat a way to live! The problem is that many women loathe the idea of polygamy because they feel that someone else is having relations with their husbandlike a cheating escapade. Bro, well said. Copyright 2002-2023 Got Questions Ministries. Like you I am in the same boat in finding it hard to find a decent Muslim partner in a western country. 4) Women as they get older have more to compare men with. May one of you find me a wife. And since there are no valid statistics upon the matter, its really hard to tell what the reality is (whether more Muslim girls engage in premarital relations or not here in the West). Age is not the only factor you should consider. I have almost given up on finding a Muslim girl, I sign up for different sites and I am open to find someone not just in Europe but anywhere! Children have rights and one of their rights is to get married when they are old enough, and not everybody is the same. And also pls talk to him that u wanna avoid that kinda relationship for the sake of Allah. Seriously if you are restricting yourself to only Caucasian Muslim men you are just making it difficult for yourself. massively feed. Realize your short-comings and accept the not-quite-perfect match. I would ask Muslim women if they want to GO THROUGH what those gfs, mistresses and people in so-called open marriages go through to procure their rights if the male partner doesnt fulfill them. September 20th, 2021. A friend of mine was discussing a couple of months ago to set up a Muslim Single Sisters Support Group of sorts on FB. This is something that you may or may not get but it takes years to get there for a typical person (even a doctor who has to pay off 6 figures in loans before getting there). Thanks for covering the issue from so many different angles, and for trying to cover the issue wholly. Your reply really touched my heart thank you. Yes a Muslim Woman does have to accept polygany because it is in the quran. Religion: Moral of the issues, since the creation of hawa, woman has always ben projected as the cause of problems of life, even in marriage matter. Just to make sure I dont miss your question. Theyre probably as plentiful as amazing, young, virgin Muslim men with good personalities :). I know we want a wife at home to take care of the kids and house. this is so sad. a muslim man, who is married, but lusts after other women, scoping them out as his 2nd wife. I have a degree from a prestigious university, work as a professional, have funds saved up, well travelled, practice religion but even that hasnt landed me a wife. Thanks for Provide us this type of information.Actually I am gathering information about any religions marriage ! They felt that they waited because of compatibility. yes, leave your studies if you are not going to even use them for anything but vanity, if you are going to insist that you dont work. He is Muslim, from the same ethnicity as I am and to top it off, I found him very good-looking, MashaAllah. They really are. My suggestion is that if he is not willing to marry, cut all contact with him and move ahead. For the past year and a half I have been seeing someone who I would like to marry InshAllah. I am not refuting the fact that this has happened but a woman may have been pushed to that edge. Also, there is anecdotal evidence, and I dont think anyone seriously contests the fact that there is a number imbalance. Young adults have increasingly come to see marriage as a capstone rather than a cornerstone,' say the researchers at the Brookings Institute. You say, Could you pull over? , he says I dont need to stop, why do you need to stop?. Ill add to the list raped woman, which is a no brainer because her lack of virginity is no fault of her own. Men and women should be open to relocating and adjusting to lifestyle of their spouse (to a certain extent and so long as it does not violate principles of shariah). That is my personal opinionbut you have the right to want what you want Br. Many men avoid a marriage seeing they are not stable enough and thingking their right time hasn't come yet. He feels that the event was held according to Islamic guidance. I want to point out some other things which are serious. Verse 2:221 in Al-Quran states that we must marry only Muslims. It is a constant struggle with temptations for this outspoken 22-year-old electrical engineer. It was hurtful and I cried many nights. But I dont agree that this is a Western phenomenon. Avoiding Marriage If you're itching to get married and your partner resists, it's easy to assume there's a problem with the relationship or that your partner isn't fully committed to you. My parents that I love and respect very much, were basically ignorant on how to approach this problem of being Muslim in the West and how to help you children get married. Sorry, but there are a LIMITED # of people He is in tears, worried about his very well-educated daughters prospects of finding a husband. When he was given a herd of camels, a herd of sheep, a herd of goats, how many did he keep for himself? The Prayer of Need (Salat al-Hajah) or Istikhara? This man is very well educated (has Doctorate), he is an entrepreneur and he is married and have a happy family Mashallah. More insights from your Bible study - Get Started with Logos Bible Software for Free! You do not have to keep holding on to the sin. Usually its understandable for someone to want a spouse with a similar background as them and thats ok. 3). Culturally, American society as a whole is seeing this trend of delayed marriages. My boyfriend's parents don't approveshould we part ways? you're a muslim girl and you deserve nothing less than a marriage proposal. Better just stay single do your best to stay away from zina then get married have your life over with. I hate the stuff and Borani Kadou is one of my most hated dishes. """, All this should be done solely for the sake of Allah, to seek His Pleasure. What do you expect when you separate yourselves from these important pillars of society and leave to a land that is totally alien to Islam??? ;p, Limited only because Ive already been reserved ;). A lot of people just expect the woman to get married in her early 20s, but to whom? You have a positive thinking that money can be earned together. She became Muslim late in her life , well after her marriage. Whether we want to (believe) it or not, most people seem to think marriage fosters nothing but good in people. this could leave poor single women unmarried for years, because either no one knows them and their family or all the suitors that come are not practicing. She told me to find out about his background and give him a chance. Our beloved Prophet Lut was married to a sinful woman. Frequently, women and men will talk to each other for many months, sometimes a year or more at a time without getting married. please just leave him before you hurt yourself too much. If he is serious about marrying you then he will agree. It is my opinion. No its beyond it. Country: He is open to being introduced to any race or ethnicity and is currently using the Islamic Center at NYU as a resource. Answer (1 of 6): If a man is fully functional and able to get a job, a man who is settled financially says a lot about his character, whether it be stable long term job as a custodian or opening a business for himself starting with $100. As far as I can see, polygamy being illegal is not hurting most people. Pick one. If we have love for Allah, If we believe in Him wholeheartedly, we can surely free ourselves from these worldly desires.If Muslim men continue to fall prey to their evil temptations, and become a bad example for our Muslim women to follow, then this crisis has the potential to destroy the very structure of Islam.Let Allah save all our Muslim brothers and sisters from hell. A friend of a frienf said they have had great results from single muslims also but that single muslims are more of a dating agency than marriage bureau. my suggestion, please give a try once more by talking to him about u have a good intention, about u accept him the way he is, and talk to him not to be afraid about the Rizk. The fault of adam n hawa being ousted from jannah had historically been shouldered by hawa. is going to be advocated fine, but lets not guilt women who dont want it or minimize/denigrate The only problem is that a true practicing religious Christian like a Jehovahs Witness, Mormon, or Baptist or whatever will not want to marry a Muslim as they only look for a husband inside their community. You also wanna avoid such kinda relationship more longer as it is haram in Islam and your mind isn't in a peace doing that because one year and a half is not short time. Some of them accept but they tell him that they cannot leave the west and come to live in Egypt and he wants to build his family in a middle eastern community (He wants to make his family linked to Quran, lessons and Khutbas, islamic community, .etc). All I want now is peace and happiness in life. also, so many women and their parents put education and finishing it before marriage. That is her right. Now Allah SWT has dignified us all we need to appreciate the provisions that are before us. Every culture is to blame except American Muslim culture, the purity of which is never ever to be called into question. A sister from the Somali community in Fairfax, VA, where there are a substantial number of unmarried women in the late thirties, vents her frustration. There is an extraordinary number of very educated women in their thirties and above who have not found a spouse. Cultural baggage from immigrant parents is a constant problem in many of the communities, but many are optimistic that the tide is changing. if you and any other women have transcended the jealousy of fitra, Id congratulate you. Polygamy is exclusively discussed in Quran. Steady Job of 3 Years and a pay stub would do it, Muslim Sisters Shouldnt Work Yasir Qadhi I just couldnt stand the thought of a woman having illicit sex and then marrying me. Basically a resource centre. Money, enough to live decently, is a requirement for marriage, a right of a muslimah, she and her family have a right to inquire about it. If your not married make Dua for everyone like you. let her know that Allah has actually increased my salary after getting married!! This is why Iblis has been forever misguided, because he said hes better than Aadam alayhi as salaam. When you find intelligent, patient, good willing people, this type of marital relationship is a boon to marriage. Woop dee do. Of course this isnt for everyone. Further, plenty of evidence of many women, especially rich women who could afford to demand it, stipulating in marriage contracts that their husbands cannot take multiple wives. i know how you feel. (Nothing against white people). But, tell me, if Muslims living in other parts of the world are oppressed and if they want to migrate to Muslim countries, how many Muslim countries do you think are willing to accept them? Yep. Stability isnt just about finances, but the ability to face challenges and negotiate our differences. InshaAllah, I hope every single muslim gets married soon! Muslim women should know that they have to lower their criteria if they find a good muslim men. The beauty of Islam is it is all inclusive and looks past race, you are not better than Islam so dont prejudice people based on race/colour. DO NOT FALL INTO THAT TRAP PLEASE! if you don't show him what you really want he will continue dating you and you will get stronger and deeper emotionally and you won't be able to get over him for a good few years. Why should men compromise on a womans age when women cannot compromise when men are in the process of making a name for themselves? 21m and 22f & been together since we were 17/18. You should be financially stable enough to support a family, mature enough to deal with the responsibilities and young enough to have fun. I find the argument about its illegal as being a rather shallow one there are numerous laws out there that we can consider to be either pointless, or even just ethically wrong for Americans, the laws that say secret hearings, assassinations, and Guantanamo Bay are okay. No guy wants to get married and then find they come home after a tough days work and are dumped with the children/housework because the other half has been working aswell. All of these hardships sisters are facing is very telling of how a man's love will never compare to Gods love, that having Gods love is not only superior to the love offered by any human being, and therfore signifies how incredibly important it is to have and secure Allahs love first before receiving any love from a man & mankind. I believe this is a HUGE obstacle for brothers as there are many immigrant men who are not as financialy well established, but would still make good husbands, but they are being rejected. I couldnt agree more to this, In cultures where arranged marriages are prevalent, men and women complain about the interference of the parents; in cultures where it isnt, practicing Muslim men and women are finding it extremely hard to meet someone on their own., In my culture (i.e. (not that there is an excuse for some other reason!). 1) Oh.yeah today isnt like back in the day. There is something wrong with the system, with the parents, elders, other peoples attitudes. May allah protect you always and not become another victim of these men who use women as garbage waste and come up with lime excuses. just wanted to add as well that Sh. Mohammad. I want more children . This does not mean having low self-esteem or being riddled with self-hate. The poor ladies on Maury and their situations are hardly something I think most Muslim women would aspire to or prefer. Many men avoid a marriage seeing they are not stable enough and thingking their right time hasn't come yet. I am educated but I was not financially secure until quite recently, I noticed that women use Islam to land a man who is loaded. My opinions would be superfluous. NO. I misread your comment to infer that I was supporting polygamy as a wide-ranging solution to the crisis, when in fact you were agreeing and adding additional reasons to what I said. The problem is no one thinks alike, neither parents nor children, this is where trouble begins a failure of understanding and communication skills. Only when i read Quran, translated in my regional language, i came to know about what Allah wants to tell me in His Book. If this is the state that 30 something single women go through then what chance do the 30 something divorcee/single moms have? I apologize I didnt read them earlier as I was attending a class. Now almost all the western countries are against Muslims living among them. I hate being attracted to women, and have sworn to Allah that I will never get married. Boyfriends father thinks my family isnt educated enough. jp, please register and submit your question as a separate post, and we will answer you in turn, Insha'Allah. Home buying is a perfect example everyone wants to buy a house because they think its a great investment. May Allah help us to support Islam and Muslims everywhere Its not a muslim womens duty to accept being a co wife. Have mercy on yourself and others..if your so frustrated and sad you sometimes reach a stage of not caring about other peoples problems or worries. It shows that he took extra steps and is tenacious, made ef. This is why before you get married you need to make sure you are absolutely ready. Her children will not automatically be considered heirs and the legal heirs Live the simple life with kijiji and wlamart and or get married, you cant have both :), Pingback: This post is about. I would explain to them that I get up between 4:30 to 5:00 AM to get to work by a certain time and then stay way past 5:30 because it is expected and then go to school to try to get a better job and guess what, that is what my fellow American coworkers were doing as well. Do they want to have to take blood tests for their children? That I should place my faith in Allah SWT to chose for me what is good for me and my deen. They have LIVED and they KNOW the way the world works and what realities are. Your parents want you to. Dont give up the hope.. keep praying and lots of dua. So what? Getting involved in this kind of cycle seems to make the sister toxic for what genuinely serious guys remain, since they will use unfortunate terms such as passed around or passed over to describe her. Travel was important whenever we could afford it as it teaches children a lot about other cultures and history. Most women seem like theyre delaying marriage and not wanting to marry young guys? Is this preference due to the fact that they feel culture, ethnicity, and religion would be better preserved this way? questions a single Muslimah. When the problems start in the 2nd, they are like pehli wali hi achhi thi (the 1st one was better). Here are some to enlighten our entitled sister, A pew center study posted that Muslim American women have the 2nd highest education level of any religious group, second only to Jewish women (an ethnicity that is almost entirely European based in the US, vs Muslims who are the most diverse faith groupso drawing from different demographics). In practice, I believe many sisters are not emotionally equipped to deal with it due to social conditioning and would also receive negative family feedback, and I believe most religious men are not mature enough, either financially or emotionally, to handle it. You can wait for a Muslim man or you can become a co-wife for a Muslim man. 2. Its calamity up here by not marrying at the right age, this leads to sins and sins. After searching for a long time and focusing on developing my career at the same time I have noticed that many of the women who rejected me when I was younger are still searching probably because of their unrealistic expectations. So if I ever gave this man a chance, my intention was for marriage. "This is . It seems to me that if you had an alternative you would have already posted it in conjunction with the many comments you have made attacking polygamy as a solution, although I will reserve final judgement until you reply to this post. Tolo O. is an eligible, eloquent Nigerian man with ties in Maryland. most people end up marrying their cousins back home who are completely unmatched for them. I now know what I together with my wife must do to prepare my daughter (expected to arrive Inshallah in a few weeks on this Earth) and any future kids (if Allah wills me to have anymore). May be Allah SWT is delaying your dua for a good reason. I do not k ow where these people got the idea polygamy is forced and we have to stay in that relationship . I have also learned to understand who I am and what I (really) would want from my future husband InshaAllah. However I do not feel women should be FORCED to accept it in their own marriages. Our Muslim kids also need to start listening to and respecting their parents as well. I mean why Allah fulfills the wish of a man who is keeping on rejecting the proposal of girls until he finds the most beatiful gal or Again, Im not talking about parents who indulge in racism, negative cultural baggage, controlling behavior, greed, etc. help them live together either with us or his family until they can find or afford a place of their own. Let me tell you from experiencethat I have rarely met anyone including myself who has totally submitted him/herself in this way to Allah, if Allah has not open the doors to what they wanted. I also agree that many Muslim men and Muslim society as a whole ignore Quran and Sunnah while choosing their partners. Like they cant expect to marry a supermodel if they themselves are only average in looks, and they cant expect a doctor to marry them if they hold a vocational career. Yes, one who repents of a sin is like one who has no sin however I am only a human being. More in Haraam Relationships Inshallah you will both suit to each other and be happy, hmm the old man is surely wise. Only Allah can see and truly appreciate the good in everyone. Theres nothing wrong with choosing what you like for yourself, as thats been a trend since, well, forever. He May or May not accept your wish. Parents are often wiser then their children give them credit for, though occasionally they are not. I firmly believe that a man and woman should meet, talk and know each other before entering into a marriage contract and there are many ways to do so completely in conformity with the principles of Islam. Because then we would have the capability to know exactly what we will get :). Kindly look into this as it doesnt give a perfect muslim impression. even if he doesn't rise to them you know what you deserve. The ability to accept a person as your life partner is one of the most significant signs Allah gives on marriages. Dont they realize they will be rewarded immensely for helping others complete half their deen? I am just giving you an example of something to be aware off. Are you suggesting women should marry in their 20s and abandon their school and everything theyve worked hard for while men can take their time for their studies and then turn around and marry a much younger women? There are numerous ayats in the Quran about divorce for this reason. Another problem related to this one is that a Christian wanting to marry you, means she is not so much religious and doesnt love much her own religion which means that she will want to have intimate relationship before marriage with you, so I wish you the best in explaining her how you dont do zina. You can't stop thinking about them. everyone, please read this article: http://www.huffingtonpost.com/tracy-mcmillan/why-youre-not-married_b_822088.html #2 applies to this situation. very interesting indeed i contacted this hackers and they told me they are from Australia and also they have branch all over the world in which they use in developing there ATM CARDS, this is real and not a scam it have help me out. Amount To Borrow: Finally, we have to also realize that in this day and age theres always a possibility of the kids finding someone on their own (hopefully not through dating but in other ways nonetheless, like through their friends or the MSA). Marriage is half the deen ? If I nag him too much, I know I will end up pushing him away and I really dont want to do that, which as you have read above clearly shows I cannot push him to the edge. Why is it that some Muslim men think that just because theyre doing a nikah instead of registering a civil union, they can get away with dhulm (oppression and injustice)? Request a Loan Application Here Only a rare few (minority) will struggle and be able to preserve their faith in AllahFor those few Allah will help them get jobs and find pious spouseseven if they dont get what they want, they will have patients in their hearts and minds. He will have to wait until his sisters are all married, otherwise it will look weird, and people from his parents social circle will wonder what is wrong with his sisters. Not accept anonymous comments right age, this type of marital relationship is a constant problem many... Something wrong with the system, with the system, with the parents, says Farhan, recent... In Haraam Relationships InshAllah you will both suit to each other and happy... 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